


when i think about you (i touch myself)

by momothegr8



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Jacking off, M/M, Public indecency, dave works at a museum, karkat has a crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-22
Updated: 2015-10-22
Packaged: 2018-04-27 13:00:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5049544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/momothegr8/pseuds/momothegr8
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dave works in a museum and, hey, Karkat can't resist a man in uniform. AKA Karkat jacks it in a public bathroom.</p>
            </blockquote>





	when i think about you (i touch myself)

When Dave Strider walked into a room, it was as if he could make galaxies rise from wherever his shoes hit ground. And god _damn_ , that's what Karkat liked in a man. 

He could write pages on pages, front and back, just counting out the ways the man took his breath away. In his demeanor laid conviction, ease, and all of the material to make his dick hard in thirty seconds.

And that's exactly how he got in this situation.

He was huddled up in the stained corner of the handicap stall in the city museum men's bathroom with his pants pushed down his thighs and his hand shoved down the front of his boxers because no one told him it was Dave's shift (but he knew) and no one told him his uniform fit so _well (oh he knew)_ and oh god it was coming it was coming fuckfuckfuckfuck _fuckfuckfuckfuckfuc--_

"Hello?"

_...Fuck._

At that point in the masturbatory expedition, there was no turning back. A strangled gasp wrought from his lips and he jizzed all over his hand with a noise that, apparently, sounded enough like someone dying for the nice elderly custodian lady to start unlocking the stall door to check on whatever murder was going on behind it. Before Karkat could yell that it was okay, the nice elderly custodian lady had the door open and an eyeful of his flagging junk.

The nice elderly custodian lady screamed.

The next few minutes were kind of a blur. The nice elderly custodian lady was in hysterics, yelling in what seemed to be...French? Karkat was still kinda fuzzy, but he tried to clean himself up, ultimately failing, while vaguely registering other people rushing into the bathroom. Then the world crashed around him as oh-so-familiar scrutinizing eyes squinted behind black museum gift-shop sunglasses. Dave spoke matter-of-factly, as if he didn't have his whole entire dick out.

"Oh. It's you."

Shhhhiiiiit. He cleared his throat and started to explain.

"I can...I can explain. It's a..." He wheezed out an awkward laugh to try and lighten the situation. "It's a funny story, actually, ah...I was, uh...I was jus...fffffuck it, I got nothin’, nevermind." He sighed on that last word and hit his head against the tile wall, starting to fix himself up in quiet shame. He heard Dave swear under his breath as he swerved around to calm the nice elderly custodian lady down, coaxing her out of the bathroom with whispered assurances that he had it all under control.

He heard him close the stall door to give Karkat, who was planning out how to tell his friends that he was going to prison for jacking off, some privacy while he picked himself up a bit. Even then, all Karkat could think was, 

_God, he's fucking sweet, isn't he?_

Once he was decent enough, with the mess on his hands wiped up and his genitals fully in his pants at least, he awkwardly coughed, signaling that he was finished. Dave pushed open the door and locked it behind him, eyeing the man below him with an expectant look. Karkat, in an attempt to lessen the blow, shakily started to tell him to get it over with and just take him to jail but before he could get the word out, laughter bubbled from Dave's lips, cutting him off.

"Wh-what...?"

"Je-Jesus _Christ_ , I've never seen her scream like that and she's been here for a while! I thought she'd seen a dead body but-- _Jesus!_ "

He was cut off by another wave of laughter that wracked gloriously throughout his body. He sighed, wiping a tear from his eye. Oddly enough, Karkat felt like crying too. Dave caught his breath and continued.

"Look, I'll cut you a break, okay, man? My day was gettin’ real boring and this definitely improved it. I won't call the cops, this won't happen again. Alright?"

Karkat was starstruck and he made the mistake of attempting a response. 

"I-I love you."

_Fuck_ no. He tried again, choking on the words.

"I mean, fuck, thank you."

Dave’s face was an amalgam of confusion, flattery, and extreme amusement. He chuckled and unlatched the bathroom door, turning to dazzle Karkat with an actual grin of pure, unbridled charm.

"Don't mention it. You look like you needed that anyways."

And with a wink, he was gone.

Karkat was gonna have trouble making good on his promise.

**Author's Note:**

> hahaha jesus christ


End file.
